The maid of honor just puked.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Shame - the story of my life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
