But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
