STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
