i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
