Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
