38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
