Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
