ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
