...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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