i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
