just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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