Me too!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
