he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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