My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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