I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
