Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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