I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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