just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
