Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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