then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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