remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
