Who did Billy Mays play for?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
