i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
