So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
