she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
