Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
