she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize