you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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