the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
