If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
