I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
