Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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