I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were destined to go to rehab together
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
