I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
