Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
