Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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