Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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