Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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