I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
