yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
