so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
