I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
