cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
