Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
try to milk me bitch
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
