There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
