walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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