That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
