In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
