My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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