he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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