Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
