it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize