What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you still have your period?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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