to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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