I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
