any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
