just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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