is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
