can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't notice because vodka
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
