I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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