Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize