Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
