I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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