i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
