I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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