Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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