walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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