that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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