WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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