Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
