There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize