you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
