just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
