if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
