Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Please don't give away my fajitas
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
