Everything about him screamed your future.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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